Skinny Love

Oh, and I should also mention that I just got out of my lifetime second long term relationship. Although the details are best left off of the internet, suffice it to say I was displeased with the result, even after giving a second chance to the guy.

That said, I've noticed several differences in the interactions of people after a breakup. I once saw it written that men tend to have wider, more impersonal relationships with friends while women have intense relationships in smaller groups. Although that is a vast generalization of trillions of people, it really shows itself in times of strife. For example, most of the men I know didn't really want to get involved in the breakup situation, especially if they were friends with the now-ex. (Note that men were fine with getting involved if they were exclusively my friend) Men, in my experience, are less likely to confront someone they know with a fault if it does not directly involve them. This would give them greater resources long-term and a better advantage later on if they were in need. Women, on the other hand, tend to form close-knit relationships. Hypothetically, if there is someone being wronged, they are more likely to confront the friend because they don't want it happening to them down the line.

Whether or not this is true, I drew this from the statement I kept hearing over and over again from the friends of Mr. Ex (exclusively of the male variety). "Well, I hope you don't expect me to agree with you because I'm going to try to be friends with both of you." Good luck, guys.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so critical. It's hard when two friends are completely enmeshed in each others' lives only to be ripped apart, creating a giant black hole in their social circle. In this case, we both went to the same high school and college. We shared over 80 facebook friends by the end of it all and probably started with around 50. So what are those 80 people to do in the midst of all the hullabaloo? Who are they supposed to invite to their parties and what are they supposed to say?

Since I was the "wronged" party, I'd like to stick up for that side. Throughout the whole ordeal, I often felt as though no one was sticking up for me, even as the friends of Mr. Ex heard what was going on (and I wasn't hearing what was going on). Who was there telling him to talk to me about the whole mess? Who was telling him he was being hasty and catastrophizing the relationship? Who was telling him to give it some time?

Honestly, his best friend told me afterward that he actually agreed with the ex. He didn't even know the whole story, just what they had heard from the ex's end. But, in order to preserve the most number of potentially useful relationships, this guy nodded his head like the flunky he was. And then tried to avoid confrontation (or interaction at all) with me, but still considered me a friend and later tried to interject friendly comments into what became a minor war-zone. Dumb hope or admirable courage? I like to think the former.

Now, I'd like to point out, for those of you who didn't realize: I am a girl. I'm not even an emotionally unstable harpy who takes every word the wrong way and holds it over your head until you die (unless you're special enough to be one of those exes). I value my friends and would fight for them until my dying breath if I consider you that close. But at what point is "friendship" just a word - someone to potentially use as an asset in the future - to guys. When does "friendship" mean that you stick up for that person in a bad situation, even if it means putting other friendships on the line? Or has the internet reduced the concept of "friend" into a button, and the person with the most collected wins?

Regardless of the answers, I had hoped that I had formed more lasting bonds with some of the people I met, regardless of gender. And sadly, if you can't see my side of things on this one, you're not my friend. In the end, I think this breakup cost me a lot, even though I did nothing to deserve it except dating a guy with self-proclaimed commitment issues.

C'est la vie.