The Scientist

So after a long, but quickly-passing, sabbatical from real life, I'm in medical school. I'm here. I have all of my books, scrubs, stethoscope, and probe (yes, I have a probe). I moved from Chicago to a cornfield. Now that I'm in, I won't have to worry about failing out, just keeping up. It's 130 brand new people to meet and so far, I have to admit they're all pretty outstanding people. Maybe not all people I really want to be more than acquaintances of, but I have yet to meet a truly ugly person (like a politician). And I met a bunch of people who are more than just stumbling blindly on from undergrad. Most of them have really good reasons and ambitions to become physicians. I love it here.

During orientation, I heard the phrase "This may be the first time you aren't amongst the top in the class." Hah! Just another math and science school. It's not easy, but I'm getting down to studying already. There's so many positive things going on that I almost missed a blow to the gut.

And the weekend after I start, my ex got married.

Now, this wouldn't have normally phased me. Hell, I wouldn't have normally even noticed. But I have a profile on okCupid. I've had a profile on okCupid since it was created as an outshoot of sparknotes (I went to the same high school as the creator). Now, I don't always actively search for "matches". I'm not *really* looking for dating right now. I honestly am not sure where I'm living next year, believe it or not. It's just not a good idea. And you know me, the scientist; ever rational about love. Anyway, I do keep an eye on who views my profile. And it turns out that over the course of the month before he got married, my ex viewed my profile several times.

I'm not one for nostalgia, but it ended badly. And not due to any actions on my part, as far as I'm concerned. And him showing up on my list of stalkers really threw me for a loop. And the number 98% match was just kind of taunting me that I haven't yet seen that high of a match since we broke up over two and a half years ago. And before you think it, it wasn't just a number. We were pretty great together. Anyway, the thought hadn't crossed my mind in a very, very long time. So, what do I do? I investigate using the mighty detective power of the internets. I find out he's getting married. And that's when it turned from curiosity to creepy.

So I ask you: is it normal for guys to stalk ex-girlfriends(boyfriends?) just before they get married? I feel like some sort of skeeze has rubbed off on me from his internet stalking of me. And like I'm unwillingly part of some infidelity. Not to mention a little weird that I just looked up a dude getting married.

Most of all, I just wish he hadn't even done it. I was really hoping that really painful part of my life was over and I had moved on. Seeing his face there just opened a lot of old wounds that I'm vulnerable to due to a huge upheaval in my life.

I hope that it's all over now, though! Maybe I'll have seen the last of this dirtball!

Here's to hoping!